ATENEO- a word that stands for excellence; a place for the blue-blooded; the rival of greens; the elite, the intelligent, the famous; for God and for the good.
That was how i defined Ateneo. I salute them with respect. Being admitted by Ateneo after a thorough screening made me feel high and proud of myself. I'm an Atenean now. I'm one of the great. But THEY proved me wrong. (not speaking in general here)
The day i stepped inside the campus, I DIED. It all started during the Orientation seminar for the incoming freshmen. I was overly excited to meet new friends, stay in cool classrooms and (ugh) learn animation!!!! After the opening program, we(block mates and facies) proceeded to a classroom. The room has it's grunge effect- faded paints on walls, broken windows, vandalized chairs, dusty floor. A healthy environment provides healthy learning. One by one, we introduced ourselves. I listened to them while waiting for my turn. Only few (4% including me) were able to introduce themselves in complete sentences and straight English. Disappointment was dawning on me as the hours went by. I tried to reconsider. The three-day orsem ended and I SURVIVED. I returned home. I wasn't willing to go back and attend formal classes anymore. But for my own and parents' sake, I did.
Formal classes began. I met my professors. It was a relief that majority of them are great. It was also a relief that I was easily recognized by them. I observed the class everyday, trying to get to know more about them. On one side of the class belongs the "all brawn-no brain" students. On the other side are the "todo-porma", pakyut, spice girls, some computer freaks, and the uplands. Every time our teacher would ask them questions regarding the discussion, they would often answer "ah, ano? ano po yung question?" while scratching their brainless head, or yawning their useless mouth. I even pity my teachers for exerting so much effort for them to learn and they're getting nothing. They're often disappointed. One even said "your class is the least performing class among those that I'm handling." That's such a shame on my part. I'm not supposed to be a part of that class. I'm not like them. 95% of my block mates' scores in quizzes are failed. Mine is the other way around. And that is only where i get my motivation to study and my source of happiness. But having good grades has its bad sides. I was often assigned as the leader. I have the greatest responsibility because our class has one brain and the rest are bodies.(you get what i mean?) Everyday i carry a heavy heart. Every night I cry. Every minute i wish i were in a different school. a better school. Everyday i hope that my parent's would feel sorry for me. Everyday i wish someone would come and save me.
This is the way I view my new world because I get used being with intelligent people for 4 years. So i'll have to bear with this till I graduate(sigh). Belonging to a rotten school together with rotten block mates, being far away from family, being the only IV-Einstein'09 student to study in adnu, having not one subject related to your course, trying to get used to Naga culture, missing your closest friend so much and trying to bear with your gorilla theology teacher made ateneo MY HELL.
Probably all these are part of God's plan. We can't achieve without experiencing toughest times first.
The day i set foot on the grounds of the campus, i was shot in the head with frustrations that eventually killed me.
September 15, 2009
